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Episode 72: Episode 72: Clarity and Calm: A Journey Through ‘Let Them’”

This is an edited version of a podcast episode. If you prefer to listen, click  Make Me Whole Podcast or click Podcast in the menu above to find this and all my other episodes.

Purple background with pink and blue triangles. Light gray text reads, "Remember, someone else's actions tell their story, not yours."

Welcome back! I am so glad that you are here today. I have put a lot of thought into today’s episode, especially as it is the last for Season 2. Reviewing all the different things I’ve discussed along the way and reflecting on the experiences I’ve had myself makes the episode that much more important to me. I’ve learned lots of lessons, and think it’s worthwhile to share our insights with those around us so we can all grow together. 

Today we’re going to unwrap something really special, something I’ve been working on throughout this whole year. It’s based off of Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory, and you all know I love her work. She presents a gentle way of helping us move through things that are really challenging: leaving behind insecurities we have that are based on the behaviors of others as well as establishing our inner serenity. It sounds a little cheesy, but I recently shared with some of my closest friends about how at peace I’ve become in the last year. I’ve honed my clarity and true understanding of the limits of what I am able to control when it comes to my relationships and interactions with other people. 

Imagine you’re at a beach, Life Beach we’ll call it, and you're swimming through all these waves. Some of them are big, and some of them are really small. The Let Them theory is all about letting the waves (others actions and decisions)  move past you without knocking you off course. It’s about finding your own rhythm within the ocean of life and not struggling to align yours with others’.

Let me share a little story. This year I had the wonderful opportunity to travel back to New York and be part of celebrations for two wonderful young ladies that were marking their 15th and 16th birthdays. These get-togethers are fun because it’s always a nice opportunity to see how the little people you used to know have grown into their true selves. I was happy to reconnect, happy to support them, happy to be there for their parents who took time to include us in their events. I went with no expectations. I knew that I was going to see family members and friends who I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic who were excited to see me. I also knew that there was a good possibility that I was going to encounter people with whom I no longer have a relationship. Without preconceived notions about how things were going to go, I was able to attend with an openness to the possibilities. I did receive warm welcomes from the parents of the girls’ on both occasions. Some family members kind of gave a wave. At times, my presence was even met with surprise. Because of previous disagreements, I also received cold shoulders, particularly from the family with whom I have a challenging history. It was like standing in a room full of music, but being in a bubble of silence. And this was my real life moment to practice Let Them. So, as I was surrounded by half-hearted “Hellos” and cool glances, I realized it wasn’t about chasing approval, but about finding my calm. I focused on those who were intentionally spending time with me, talking and catching up. I knew that my family’s coldness was their own path to choose and really not a reflection of me. 

When life throws you similar curves, here’s what you can do. First, give your emotions space. It’s natural and healthy to feel. Then, find solace in people and moments that light up your world. Remember, someone else’s actions tell their story, not yours. Each tough moment can be a stepping stone. For example, at one of the birthday parties, I bonded with a cousin on a deeper level than ever before. We were just talking about memories we cherished and things that we’ve enjoyed about each other. It was a beautiful reminder that every gathering is a chance for a new, joyful connection. 

Look, I realize that families can be complex puzzles. We long for their love and understanding, but sometimes it’s just not there. That’s where Let Them comes in. It teaches us to cultivate inner peace, no matter the reaction around us, and to know our worth is not tied to their approval. In these moments of mixed feelings, I discovered my resilience. By embracing Let Them, I was embracing myself, my peace, and most of all, my value. In the face of this indifference, I stood strong, focusing on my beacon of inner calm, and intentionally wielded self-love. 

This is not about escaping or avoiding. It’s about navigating emotional waters with grace and wisdom. I wasn’t going to act out or act up for the sake of someone else’s need to have a show. It’s understanding that while we can’t control life’s storms, we can learn the art of sailing smoothly through them. As we are getting towards the end of this year, I want to invite you to think about the Let Them theory and how it can help gently guide you on your own journey. Every choice to release control over others’ actions is a step towards embracing your own path toward writing your own story. I want to touch on something vital. This is important for our mental health and wellness. You see, it’s more than a practice of patience or understanding. It’s an act of courage and a necessary step towards preserving yourself. Every time we choose to Let Them, to let go of trying to control or change someone else’s actions or attitudes, we’re taking a step back from potential toxicity. It’s like choosing to step out of that storm and into a space of calm. It doesn't mean we’re giving up or showing weakness. On the contrary, it takes immense strength to acknowledge that some situations and relationships are more harmful than beneficial. Let’s be real, looking at a relationship or situation, especially one close to our heart and saying, I deserve better than this, is one of the hardest things to do. Saying, “My mental health is more important,”  is truly a declaration of self-love and self-respect. And even though this journey is challenging, it’s critical for our inner peace. It’s about recognizing that our well-being should never, ever be compromised. 

The Let Them Theory isn’t just about how we interact with others. It’s about caring for ourselves and creating a healthy environment where we can mentally and emotionally thrive, not just survive. So, as we wrap up this season, I want you to remember this: you have the right to protect your peace. I cannot say that enough. You have the courage within you to let go of toxicity. You can pray for others to find peace and healthy relationships while simultaneously maintaining a healthy distance. You have the resilience to rise above, to choose wellness. It’s not just a brave choice. it's necessary for the journey towards a more fulfilling, peaceful life. Carry this thought with you my friend as we conclude this season: you are not alone in the journey, even when it seems like it. I hope that I’ve nurtured your ability to find your strength, embrace your worth, and prioritize your mental health and wellbeing.


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